get get get get get over it.

My mom texted me something somewhat interesting today. At least, interesting to her...

She said "nobody feels what you feel."

I went through a rather traumatic experience both with a boy I had feelings for and a boy I did not have feelings for a little over a month ago. I'm getting the vibe from friends that I should be 'over it.'

I do feel as though I am getting over it, but it takes time, and my natural tendency is to kind of hole up with those who love me. Unfortunately, I am finding it harder and harder to convince people to hole up with me. Mostly, I blame this on our age. As a early-almost-mid-twenties girl, I find that all my friends are in very different spots in life (I may have mentioned this before) and thus it is harder to find someone to commiserate with, since everyone is mostly doing their own thing.

But my mom has a point. Nobody feels what you feel. Sympathy and empathy help, but at any moment most likely nobody you are close to will feel the same thing. I guess this leads me to believe that loneliness really is the human condition, and I wonder if maybe I am trying too hard to feel connected with others. Maybe it's ok to feel alone sometimes. And maybe if everyone wants you to get over it, and you're not, the only thing you can say is fuck off, because they are not you.

don't pay him any attention

I decided to delete my previous post because it delved into a bit of a pity party that I would like to keep private. Sorry for anyone who read it, commented, and then was deleted (mandie).

I took the bus this morning to work because Wed-Fri I start later in the day. I am already feeling more accomplished than usual and it is good. Something about making the bus on time, arriving to work early makes me feel like less of a waste of life.

Which is an interesting topic. How does one know if one is wasting life? Is life ever wasted? I would think prisoners would say, yes you can waste your life by killing someone and ending up in a small cell forever. Then again, prisoners get free room and board, often get free education (albeit a sad education), lots of time to work on their physical fitness and instant friends, enemies and drama. Just kidding folks.

Honestly, though. I've got a lot of things swirling in my head that I would like to do. I'd like to take a trip to New Orleans, I'd like to go bungee jumping and sky diving (bungee on my bday!), I'd like to explore more of Seattle, go on more hikes and try skiing/snowboarding. Some things are more easily accomplished than others, some are limited by time, money and willing participants.

I get scared that my hectic work schedule and financial demands are giving me great excuses to miss out on a lot.