Reason

So, just so there's no confusion on the purpose of this blog...it is simply to record this strange time in my (our, your) life. Dave Eggars, in his memoir, Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, comments in the preface that the reader may skip pages (insert middle of book pages here) because they are about a young man in his early and mid-twenties who thinks that their life is interesting but is really surprisingly boring and self-centered. (I'm paraphrasing, of course). But the gist of it is that this weird in-between time from being a young adult to an adult is awkward, not nearly as fun as it seems, and pretty much all about ourselves.

So here is a record of that. Of me going through that. If you're interested.

Right now my life is mostly about work. Working temporary jobs that I pretty much loath, just to pay off unnecessary debt before I start graduate school. Lately these jobs have been causing a lot of stress, because the cafe I have been working at got outsourced to a big company. It was really cool working for a non-profit organization. They treated employees really well and everyone acted like they cared. With this whole turnover, it's made work the last few weeks pretty bitter and disheartening. Not to mention I was in limbo as to whether I actually had a job at the new company for several weeks. It's hard to explain to others, they say "well at least you have something" and then blow it off. Of course in this climate I'm very happy to have a job, without one I would be packing up and heading home, but there is an element of being forced into a situation that is hard to relate to. I did not simply get my job back, I was given a job that I did not want without much of a choice. Especially since I have no backup money, plan or person to fall back on.

In the grand scheme of things, I have learned a lot this past three weeks about work. How I want to work, the environment I wish to work in. I experienced on a small scale how it feels for the bigger guy to push their way in when the little guy is weak and take over, claiming that they will make things better while cutting paychecks and giving minimal healthcare to those with families. It makes me think about things on a larger scale. And it makes me think that I don't ever want to live without security again, and definetly not want to live without being passionate about my work.

All that said, my life lacks any major passion for things I am doing at this point. Which surprisingly makes me take some joy in smaller things in life. A night home with my roommates or getting along with my mom. I hope it gives me a chance to calm down a bit, not be so anxious about the next thing that I think should happen in my life. Some days this works, some days it doesn't. The days it doesn't are brutal.

Some other things on my mind are my friend Rachel's wedding, to which I am the maid of honor. My friend Hayley, hoping my mom finds work, my sister's pregnancy and my impending aunt-hood. Applying for grad school this fall, trying to have fun this summer, trying to 'get in shape', trying to read more. Finding motivation.

For now I'm just going to try and get through the weekend. It's the big turn over at the cafe. Which means 8 hour saturday and sundays along with night shifts at the restaurant I expo at on the weekends.

We'll see how it goes.